I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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