would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
