theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
