i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
