First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
