there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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