OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
