She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
