paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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