so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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