I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
