maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
