I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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