you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
