Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
