So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
