when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
