Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my vag is so smooth its legendary
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
