I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
