Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
