Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
