Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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