i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
