So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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