Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
