You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
