oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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