Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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