i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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