Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
