definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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