PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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