Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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