i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
