Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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