Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
