I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
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