Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
