My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
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