ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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