it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
