lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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