Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize