yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
