I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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