whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
