Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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