It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm passing your future prison.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
