i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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