I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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