Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
