You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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