Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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