I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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