If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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