She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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