doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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