sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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