All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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