i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
