Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We were destined to go to rehab together
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
