dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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