Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
