You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
