Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
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You. Win. At. Life.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
