I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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