Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
