I met the friendliest cop last night
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
