I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
