A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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