I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
