I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
