I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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