Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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