Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
